Q & A with Robina

QUESTION

Hi Venerable Robina, 

I’ve been dealing with episodes of crippling anxiety. It intensified over the summer with a job I took on temporarily. And now today it happened again. I’m really sick of it, sick of suffering! 

I can see that I have this intense attachment to desperately seeking the approval of people that I look up to, that I see as better than me. For me this is usually very “successful” people, wealthy people, people that I see as more wise than me, more knowledgeable. And the anxiety surrounding looking “bad” in front of others that I am trying to seek approval/validation from. And then negative self talk, beating myself up over not being good enough, not being enough.

What can you advise?

Much love,

A

ANSWER

Good to hear from you, dearest A!

The attachment to how people see us is the most primordial and the hardest to catch, but we have to start somewhere.

So, catching yourself when you’re craving other people’s approval. And then actually validating yourself, telling yourself that you’re doing a good job. And really sincerely rejoicing in yourself: your life, you as a mother, a wife, in your professional life. Remind yourself all the time. It’s a very precise thing, like learning all those things you learned to do your job well. It’s a skill. Same here. It’s learning new ways to think. Buddha really is a cognitive therapist.

Everything that we are is inside us, not outside. We have to grow it every day. We’re a work in progress, which means to be content with where we’re at so far and with enthusiasm keep moving forward. 

As Lama Zopa Rinpoche says, we can mold our mind into any shape we like.

Much love,

Robina