Q & A with Robina

QUESTION

Hi Robina

I’ve been consumed by anger, directed at my partner. It kept me awake at night; I was fuming. At some point after being caught up in the storylines I realised this was an ancient pattern of thinking, that came from a deep-rooted resentment that my needs weren’t met by people but that was driven by an even deeper tendency not to speak my mind / ask for what I needed. 

I’ve always been the good girl, to please people. So I recognised that this anger that was seemingly directed at my partner was actually directed at myself and that in many ways it was a part of me begging to be heard. I’m now aspiring to speak my needs clearly and kindly.

I’m now feeling sad inside, I don’t think it’s depression because it doesn’t have the heavy quality of depression. I’m sad for my little boy, I miss being able to do things with him. I also feel sad about how I lived my life up until this point. All the busyness, not appreciating those moments, getting caught up in things that didn’t really matter, the stressing and arguing over minor things, not spending time connecting with people I care about. I don’t know how to work with this sadness. What do the teachings say about sadness? How is it taken onto the path?

Much love and appreciation,

H

ANSWER 

Dearest H,

Good to hear from you again.

I can hear the anger loud and clear — and glad you can see it. As well as making your wishes known, try to also be content with what your husband is capable of.

As for the sadness: it sounds more like anger again, but against yourself. You haven’t done enough, haven’t achieved enough, dissatisfied, dissatisfied.

Be content, H! Rejoice in what you have achieved — and then aspire to keep improving, keep moving, keep practicing.

And learn from your mistakes, not put yourself down. Regret them because you can see the suffering that it causes you (yes, you); then have compassion for those you’ve hurt or let down; then do the purification; then make determination to change. This is the purification practice and it’s very powerful!

It’s all slow and gradual, H. We need a long-term view. We are a work in progress. It’s crucial that you practice being content with your progress, with seeing your mind, with your efforts at patience. We have to work at that, consciously bring up the positive thoughts.

Negative thoughts seem to come up naturally, so we have to consciously cultivate positive ones. It sounds almost too simple, but it’s profound. We just have to remember!

Anyway, I rejoice in your efforts, your practice.

Keep moving!

Love,

Robina