Q & A with Robina

QUESTION

Dear Venerable Robina,

Many thanks for your blog post about self-care! I would like to ask a question on this topic.

I’m just back home from the hospital after weeks of fighting Covid, with symptoms still affecting my physical and mental capacities. I’m happy I made it so far, but I have a hard time meeting my basic needs. I’m unable to carry out more than one activity per day, then I’m wiped out for hours, if not days. My mind is not clear, I can’t focus. The hospital’s only recommendation is to “rest and pace.”

I’m only trying to get back to a “normal” life, but I end up in a vicious circle of pushing too far and then crashing. I can’t seem to find a way out of it. Hitting limit after limit ends up being discouraging. And I understand that this situation may last for weeks or months. Would you have any resources to suggest or recommendations?

Many thanks in advance and for all that you do!

With much appreciation,

E

ANSWER

Dearest E, glad to hear from you.

I am so sorry! It sounds awful. I really do hope you get better soon.

If you can’t have people help you with your daily chores, if you must be on your own, then you have no choice but to take it easy. Why push? You can’t force this. You can’t force a “normal life.”

There’s the physical exertion, but what I’m talking about is the mind. It’s hard to distinguish, but we need to. You understand well the teachings, so you will know what I mean.

The tiredness, the exhaustion, of course, are the source of suffering in such situations. But the real source of the suffering is the dissatisfaction with the situation; the craving to be better, to not be tired. This, of course, is called attachment. It’s so deeply ingrained.

What causes us to push is attachment — always dissatisfied, always wanting something more, always therefore pushing.

In other words, the stress is caused by your aversion to the fact that you get tired, not the tiredness itself.

Of course, it seems so natural to us that we suffer when things are bad, when we’re sick. And it is natural. But there are ways we need to learn to reinterpret it. 

There is the deep attachment to always have everything go nicely and then there’s the attachment to be free of the problems when things aren’t going nicely. It’s constant! So hard to see because it’s so automatic. 

So try to embrace your new reality, not have aversion to it, not expect it to be better. That’s actually what “pacing it” means.

And that also means stop criticizing yourself, stop expecting to be better or different or to have things “normal”. This is your new normal. Adjust to it, accept it, embrace it.

Easy to say, of course! But it’s possible.

Meanwhile, of course, get all the help you can. 

Love to you,

Robina