Q & A with Robina

QUESTION

Dearest Venerable Robina,

I hope this email finds you well.

I am wondering if you can share me some advice on how to help a close friend of mine who suffers from self -hate. He tried to kill himself three times in his life and the latest was last week. I keep reminding him of his good qualities. I ask him if he wants to listen to Dharma with me but he doesn’t want it. And if possible could you pray for him? 

Thank you so very much and wishing you a wonderful day in USA. :) <3

Much love,
L

ANSWER
Dearest L, 

For sure, I will say special prayers for your dear friend.

All you can do is what you’re doing — loving him, being kind, supporting him. That’s the most precious gift. One day he might respond.

And of course, if he wants to talk to good professional people who can help him understand himself, that could be useful.

Much love to you,
Robina

QUESTION
Dearest Venerable Robina,

Thank you so very much for praying for my friend. I am truly grateful..

And how can I protect my mind so I don’t get into too much sadness or feeling hopeless in helping him, as my attachment only wants to see nice things/him being happy..?

I do hope I would be able to get him to listen to your teaching via Zoom one day soon, and hopefully I’ll be able to introduce him to you. He bought a mala because he saw me wearing one and I told him to recite om mani padme hum when he feels very depressed which he did it. How wonderful. 

Much love to you,
L

ANSWER
Just be brave, don’t get all involved in his drama, L. Stay steady. Be kind, but know it’s his problem. 

So glad he bought a mala and is saying the mantra! A break through!
 

Why statues?

QUESTION
Dear Ven. Robina:

I would like to ask a question that I struggle with about holy objects. It is about the idea of treating a physical item with reverence. Putting aside the idea that we can always offend other people by being ignorant of their beliefs and doing something stupid, my problem is that I have always had an aversion to giving an object the kind of agency that goes along with labelling something holy. 

Keep in mind that I have a number of items on my altar as instructed. But I often do these things based on faith that these actions will be important one day because other people said they will. In fact I was recently given the gift of a large beeswax head of the Buddha that had been in a friend's family since the 1960s. It was a gift, and it will be displayed in a place of prominence. But I struggle. These items are just as impermanent as I am, or even a tree in my yard is. Why are they suddenly special? What have they gained to change them structurally? As I said, I do follow what I have been taught, and change has been occurring because of that. But, I find myself feeling as though I am only doing so for my own growth. It gives my mind a point on which to focus its intentions on and a target to pray in supplication towards, but I am unable to bring myself to accept that this item has actually gained some supernatural power that it didn't possess before it was carved into the shape of the Shakyamuni Buddha's likeness. I wrestle with this, and would be grateful if you had any guidance.

Love,
D

ANSWER
I understand, D.

It’s not complicated. We’re creatures of form, aren’t we? You have a dear friend so you take a photo of them and put it in a frame on your mantelpiece to remind you of them. You might admire a musician, so you have a photo of them. This makes sense.

Same here: the photos and paintings and statues of the buddhas are simply reminders of what we can become. We need that!

But also, remember too that a buddha is actually a mind, a consciousness that has been perfected, and that mind can be wherever it wants. So why not in a statue? Tibetans have great confidence that their statues and paintings are actually embodiments of the buddhas. 

What do you think?

QUESTION
Dear Ven. Robina,

Thank you for that. Of course that makes sense. This helps me see how I was complicating things by deciding that any additional layers of significance being attributed to the item has to somehow be infused there by some supernatural origin.