Q & A with Robina

QUESTION

Dear Ven. Robina,

My husband is against everything that has to do with Buddhism. Buddhism has become a taboo subject in our life.

I need someone to stay with children if I want to go to the center to hear teachings, or to help there. He supports me but when I come back from the center he doesn’t want to know anything about what I do there.

He can’t stand that Buddhism is so important in my life. He thinks that all the ways I’ve changed are scary! I don’t drink alcohol if we go out, I wake up earlier to meditate, I go to sleep later to have time to read and study. 

Sometimes I don’t know how to balance my family and Buddhism. I’m sure I must be doing something wrong! But I don’t give up; I know there must be a way to fit everything together.

If can give me some advice or some practice to help me to improve the situation, I would be glad.

Huge hug,

A

ANSWER

Dear A,

Many thanks for telling me what is going on.

Given that you have a family, a husband, and you are obviously choosing to stay in that situation, then you need to keep your practice more hidden. Don’t make it so obvious. The more integrated our practice becomes, the less obvious it should be to others. 

The real proof of practice is that we become ordinary, kind, easygoing.

In other words, you can’t act like a nun in a marriage! It is your choice to be with him. If you want to dedicate your life to Dharma, then maybe you should leave! 

I’m not saying you should: I’m trying to make a point. Do you understand?

Much love,

Robina

QUESTION

Dear Ven. Robina,

Thank you for your answer. It makes me think about how I’m doing things at home.

I think I understand the point when you say I can’t be a nun in a marriage, and that it’s my decision to have a family. 

I remember the story you told in a teaching about a woman who was married to a man who had problems with alcohol.She was forever trying in to get him to give up alcohol, until one day she decided to love him for who he was, with all his defects, and to let him be. 

Thank you for giving me another point of view, I hope to be able to integrate the practice to become more kind and easygoing, as you said.

I have a lot of work to do to accept my reality as a result of my own decision and not trying to change my husband!

Thank you Robina, 

Much love,

A