Q & A with Robina

Prayer wheels at Lawudo Gompa, Lama Zopa Rinpoche's family home and retreat center in the Nepalese Himalayas. Photo: Ven. Katy Cole.

QUESTION Hello Ven. Robina. It has been quite a while since I've been in touch. I really hope you are doing well. I've been keeping up my practice each day, which I'm grateful to have. 

It seems I've run into the same problem at my work – without going into detail it has been quite stressful. It's just extremely busy and non-stop! I don't mean to complain because it's a great firm and I'm lucky to have such a job but something about it just doesn't gel with me. I can't quite be myself. I'm not very corporate! 

I'm not sure if I should push through and keep going and see what happens down the line, or go to a smaller firm, or look at retraining, and maybe taking some college courses. I think you once said to me “it's clear you don't like these corporate jobs.” I keep trying to make it work. I haven't really been fulfilled in my work since I left journalism, but I've been too long out of the game. 

How do I know which way to go? 

VEN. ROBINA Good to hear from you.

But isn’t it the same problem as usual? No matter what job you have, you’re never quite satisfied? 

This is samsara! Nothing is perfect. You will never ever ever find the perfect job. Perhaps you can practice – literally, every day – spelling out to yourself the good things about it. Then your mind will change – abracadabra! That’s how practice works! I’m serious.

On the other hand, if you don’t like the work, leave. That’s it. Make the decision. You can get another job.

Love,
Robina

QUESTION Thanks, Ven. Robina. Yes it's the same problem! I'm going to focus on the 10 good things about this job and watch my mind. I keep thinking if I leave, the same thing will happen at the next job, as it has in the past. I will try to hang in here and use it in my practice. 

VEN. ROBINA Just keep moving, one step at a time.

QUESTION Thank you Ven. Robina. Just some practical advice – what is the best way to react to co-workers when they are very stressed over their work etc.? It's quite a stressed and, at times, aggressive atmosphere that I work in, and I tend to take it on myself (as I'm already quite an anxious person!). I understand this is karma and my view of the world but what is the best approach from a Dharma perspective? Is it compassion?

VEN. ROBINA What do you mean, specifically, when you say “when they are very stressed over their work”?

QUESTION I mean that the work demands are extremely high for my team – the atmosphere there feels very urgent and the culture is very "high performing;” our bosses expect the very best in everything we do. My team approaches their work with urgency and it can feel aggressive when there is a lot going on (that is my perception in any case, meaning people can get short when dealing with each other at times). Adding to the stress, we are doing more with less as a number of people have now left my team to go elsewhere. I'm working as hard as I can, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it is enough! 

I'm just wondering what is the best way to react to my colleagues when they're stressed, angry etc.?

VEN. ROBINA Well, what I’m hearing is a wonderful description of devoted, hard-working sincere people doing their best! Wow. 

Attachment works in many ways, and yours wants everything to be nice and manageable. So your job is to not be afraid of all the energy. Relax! Enjoy it! Love and praise your team. Support them. 

Do you understand?

QUESTION Thanks, Ven. Robina. Yes, I understand. They are a very hard working team. What if sometimes the aggression is directed at me?  

VEN. ROBINA Be brave! This is life! Be brave. In these tense situations, as you say, people get energized.

But explain the aggression – once, daily, many times, etc., Explain.

QUESTION I guess I am referring to my boss – I've been trying to connect with her and get along with her more. She has a lot of pressure in her life (kids, husband, very busy job) and she seems angry a lot of the time; she’s very intense, and can sometime say cutting things. I don't think I'm someone she relates to.  

I assume this is all karma and what my mind is perceiving... which is the usual case of “they don't like me.”

I'm trying to be brave and just get on with doing a good job. I just find it very challenging!

VEN. ROBINA This is good for you. All you’re doing is begging her to like you, then you will think you must be a good girl. Well, you’re a good girl already, you don’t need her approval to prove it to yourself!

Have compassion for her. But be clear and steady and strong within yourself. Then she can’t hurt you.

It’s your practice.

QUESTION Thank you Ven. Robina. This is very helpful. I really struggle with being steady and strong within myself – it feels so much easier and safer to run and get approval all the time. But it's exhausting and feeds the doubt I have about myself. 

I will be strong in myself!