Q & A with Robina

QUESTION

Dearest Venerable Robina,

Thank you for your kind offering to discuss with me via e-mail! Again you touched me deep inside! A heartful thank you!

It is never easy, but sometimes unbearable for me to see the people are like seeking suffering when I give them only friendly behaviour.

Give a passing neighbour or a colleague a smile and they want your body and your heart. You talk straight and clear, your words get ignored. Or I offer a tea to someone, the person is enjoying it and the next minute is shouting at me!

Is all this too much thinking? 

Thank you very much for your advice! I will do practice little by little. And I try to stay just busy and relaxed.

With love

A

ANSWER

Dear A,

I am happy to hear from you.

You understand your mind, and that is good. But too much thinking? Possible! We can interpret things in so many ways, and we can it all so complicated.

We understand that what people think of us isn’t the reality of who we are. But our emotional hunger, since we are born, to be seen and heard and appreciated and validated by others is primordially deep! 

Basically, this is one of the main reasons we suffer, A! But it’s so hard to see.

On the hand you are so kind, so compassionate, you reach out to others, you help others. This is wonderful! Keep doing this.

But we don’t see is that our hunger, our attachment, our need for the other person to accept our kindness, to be grateful for it, to love us back. 

And it simply doesn’t happen like that always, does it? So, what do we? We assume that their rejection is a reflection of us.

But it’s not!

Be kind, be loving, A, but we need to learn to stop craving the friendly response from the other.

This is tough, difficult! But the more we get in touch with our own reality, work on our minds, see this craving and attachment — so so so deep! — and gradually lessen it (that’s the essence of Buddhist practice at its heart), the more content, fulfilled, joyful, happy we will become.

What do you think?

Much love, 

Robina

QUESTION

Dearest Venerable Robina,

Thank you very much for your warm and direct words! And especially for the kind how you expressed it! It is much more easy for me to read, check and accept, what you said, to hear you talking from “we”. It helped me be not so vulnerable and I could watch closer and see it as a hint again than realize that you are totally right!

I really had to read the straight words from you about “craving the friendly response from the other” to confess to myself that I suffer and that this is the reason for it. Not outside. In my perspective.

Thank you very much for putting it this empathic way – hearable and understandable for me!

Thank you also for your patience in telling me this from the beginning – until I finally get it.

With much gratitude and love for you,

A

ANSWER

Good, A!

Go one step at a time!

Much love,

Robina